The client says, “I’m a positive person, and I only look at the glass as half full.”

The coach responds, “That’s foolish, because 95% of all opportunities exist in the half empty space.”

Negativity is not to be ignored

Everywhere you look, especially on social media, motivational quotes and positive affirmations run rampant.  It’s overwhelming, actually.  Now please don’t misunderstand me; there is nothing wrong with positive thinking and wanting to live an inspired life.  But you can’t ignore the negative. And you shouldn’t ignore the negative – because negative can be the catalyst for turning your life around – for the better! 

The fact is that life, like a battery, takes place in between the positive and the negative.  The reason we have never seen a battery with two positive or two negative ends, is that both are required to give the battery juice – life.  The same is true for our lives.  It’s impossible to live life without experiencing both the positive and the negative.

The story of the frog and the scorpion

Perhaps you know this story.  According to the storyteller, the frog and the scorpion appeared on the riverbank at about the same time.  The frog was about to jump in the river and swim to the other side.  The scorpion saw the frog and yelled out, “Hey Mr. Frog, I see that you’re about to head to the other side of the river.  Since I am a scorpion and can’t swim, would you let me hop on your back and deposit me on the other side?  I would be very appreciative if you could do this for me.”

The frog looked at the scorpion and said, “No way!  I’d get half way across the river with you riding on my back and you’d sting me and I’d die.  How can you possibly believe I am that crazy and naïve as to put my own life in danger?”

The scorpion replied, “Whoa, hold on a minute.  With your little frog brain, you can’t be thinking straight.  If I were to sting you half way across the river, yes, I would kill you.  But I too would die since I can’t swim.  That would be kind of foolish, don’t you think?”

The frog considered the scorpion’s reasoning and said, “I guess that makes sense.  Hop on.” 

So the scorpion hopped onto the frog’s back and they began their journey to the other side of the river and everything started off well.  But sure enough, about half way across, the scorpion stung the frog.  They were both about to go down for the third and final time when the frog, straining to inhale his last few breaths, said, “Why did you do that?  I’m about to drown and die; but so are you.  What were you thinking?”

The scorpion, also straining to gather his last breath, responded, “because I’m a scorpion, and that’s what scorpions do!”

The realities of life

It’s important to understand the story of the frog and the scorpion.  Positive thinking is important, but so is negative thinking.  The reality is, there are shepherds, there are sheep, and there are wolves.  Wise teachers teach that some wolves are so clever, they’ve learned how to dress up like sheep; just like weeds in the garden that dress up disguised to look like flowers.  In other words – the negative.  If we don’t think negative and acknowledge and kill the wolf that’s disguised as a sheep, he’ll take the herd.  And if we think positive all the time and allow the weeds to have their way, they’ll kill the flowers and take the garden.  The full drama of life always, and without exception, takes place between the positive and the negative.  Doesn’t the mother think negative when she envisions her baby getting into the poisons under the sink – and thus, child-proofs the cabinet doors?  It’s important to think negative – in a positive and constructive way.

To Every Thing, Turn, Turn, Turn

In 1965, the Byrds released a hit song, Turn, Turn, Turn.  Some of the lyrics go like this, “To everything, turn, turn, turn.  There is a season turn, turn, turn.  And a time to every purpose, under heaven.  A time to be born, a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap; a time to kill, a time to heal; a time to laugh, a time to weep.”  Positive and negative. 

We’ve got to become so sophisticated and well-educated that we accept the fact that negative is a necessary and constructive aspect of life.  We can’t laugh when it’s time to cry.  The negative side of life is critically important and can’t possibly be ignored.  The key to mastering life is not learning how to handle the positive… that’s easy!  The key to life is to acknowledge the negative and allow it to be part of the scenario.  Building walls to keep the negative out is not a success strategy.  In fact, it will make life’s journey a real challenge because the walls that keep out disappointment and negativity also keep out happiness and positive experiences. 

Yes, you can have a preference

If you had a menu and could choose good health or sickness, I’m rather certain that you would select the former.  If you could choose between wealth and poverty, surely you would select wealth.  Of course you have preferences; who wouldn’t want to spend more time on the positive side of life than the negative?  But negativity is a reality and an essential component of life – and it’s best not to ignore it.  You’ve got to think negative when things are positive, and you’ve got to think positive when things are negative.  This is what I call “life mastery.” 

When you purchase life insurance when you’re healthy, aren’t you thinking negative?  Don’t the squirrels think negative in the summer when they work hard to gather their food getting ready for a cold winter?  And when you have to face the negative, such as a serious illness, don’t you think positive and muster the disciplines and positive energy to do whatever you have to do to recover; or at least make the best of any situation?  When all is said and done, when you acknowledge and accept the negative as a necessary aspect of life, it makes life more manageable because you don’t have to wrestle or struggle with it.  You just accept and embrace it all - then work through it all as best you can...  seeking out the blessings in disguise.

And that’s what’s exciting about the negative.  Because within all negative situations, lies the seeds of greater opportunities.  We just need to focus on seeking out the hidden blessings, not dwelling on the problem. 

Turning your life around – and helping clients’ turn their lives around

Negativity can be a powerful force for change.  It plays a key role in the day that turns your life around; a concept taught to me years ago by the late Jim Rohn.  I think that’s why negativity exists – so we work harder to live a more fulfilling life.  Jim taught me that there are four stages to the day that turns your life around: 

1. Disgust.Disgust says, “I’ve had it !I won’t take this negativity anymore.”
2. Decision. Decision is when you decide it’s time to transform the negative into positive.
3. Action:Action is doing something to turn negative into positive – not just thinking about it.
4. Resolve: Resolve is making a promise to yourself that you’ll never give up enriching your life.

Many years ago, one of my best friends fired me after I worked for him for a year.  Welcome, Mr. Block to Disgust.  I then made the decision to change and took new, often uncomfortable actions to turn my negative experiences into positive ones.  And resolve led the way… I never quit even though negativity seduced me over and over again to give up.  The day I was fired (extreme negativity and disgust) was the day that turned my life around.

During your life, and the lives of your clients/students, there will be, “a time to build up, a time to break down; a time to dance, a time to mourn; a time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together.  A time of war, a time of peace; a time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing.”  And there will be, “a time to gain, a time to lose; a time to rend, a time to sew; a time for love, a time for hate; a time for peace… I swear it’s not too late.”

The power of negative thinking is a necessary skill you and your clients/students must acknowledge, embrace, and master in order to live a worthwhile existence.  Think, anticipate, and react to negativity in a positive, dignified, and respectful way.  When you work hard on mastering the power of negative thinking… it will play a key role in the day that turns your life around – for those interested in doing just that.

During PARWCC’s virtual conference this past April, I was asked by many members how I came to co-found PARW / PARWCC.  For those who appreciate history, with all its uniqueness - the expected, the unexpected, and everything in between - below is a brief history of how PARWCC came to be.

The PARWCC virtual conference this past April 20^th and 21^st was a grand success.  The event was well attended, and over the coming months and years, literally thousands of industry professionals will review and study the videos of the well-presented sessions from this two-day event.  And all this, following a successful, pre-pandemic conference in 2019 in Clearwater Beach, Florida, that was attended by more than 250 members, speakers, sponsors, and guests.

And the new PARWCC leadership team has added so many new member programs, online tools, and communication platforms, you’d need a calculator to count them all. Kudos to Margaret and Doug for adding so many new and valuable member benefits over the past 18 months or so. 

PARWCC is the first, largest, and most respected résumé and career coaching association on the planet.  And every day and in every way, the 2,000+ members are contributing to their profession and their industry.  They are collaborating with colleagues, expanding their knowledge and skills, and helping clients/students achieve rewarding workplace opportunities - to enrich their lives. 

It’s an exciting time to be a member of our profession and of our professional association. 

But how did we get here?

The year was 1988.  A young kid sat in the waiting room.  Probably mid-twenties.  He was referred by his dad, and he asked me how much I would charge to write his résumé.  I told him there must be some mistake because I don’t write résumés, and asked him why he thought I did. 

Back then I wrote business plans for people who were selling or growing their small enterprises.  The kid proceeded to tell me that the résumé I included in his father’s business plan helped his father land a job – after the business plan helped him sell his business.  Yikes!  Two birds with one stone!

What’s important to understand at this juncture, is that I had relocated to Florida two years earlier from New England, where I had lived the first 33 years of my life.  I had moved to Fort Lauderdale to play “Miami Vice” and to become Don Johnson - without a gun.   

And in 1986, before I headed off for Florida, I paid an outplacement company $325 to write a professional résumé for me.  Imagine, $325 for a résumé back in 1986!  I had owned a law enforcement uniform company, that I started, grew, and sold after five years.  So now, how does a former business owner write a résumé seeking a job as an employee?  I had no clue.  So I hired a reputable company to write a professional résumé so I could land a job when I got to Florida. 

Soon after arriving in Florida, I realized my $325 résumé was pretty much useless.  So I launched a business plan writing firm that focused on small businesses being started, being sold, and/or seeking capital, that required a business plan to achieve their goals.

Anyway, to this day, I don’t recall the kid’s name, but he sure had a significant impact on my life.  The résumé I wrote for his father was more of a marketing document that included color, graphics, and “sizzle” to complement the substance.  Tom Jackson would not have approved.  Either would Dick Bolles.  (These were two industry icons and top authors at the time – The Perfect Résumé by Jackson and What Color is Your Parachute? By Bolles.

I told the kid that I would write his résumé for free.  And if, by chance, he were to become as fortunate as his father and land a job using the résumé, he could send me a check for whatever he thought it was worth.  To my utter surprise, the kid sent me $200 three weeks later.  Could this be a new niche opportunity?

In addition to the book, The Perfect Résumé, the only other résumé book at the time was called,  Do Not Use a Résumé, Use A Qualifications Brief, by Richard Lathrop.  They pretty much taught job seekers how to write the typical chronological obituary – an unexciting, look-alike document.  The philosophy taught to job seekers back then, which is still pretty much taught today, is: Blend in – in order to stand out.  And this didn’t make much sense to me.

I had already purchased one of the first laser printers sold ($7,500 back then), to produce business plans on; so why not résumés?  I began taking on a few résumé clients just to “test market” my idea - that job seekers need to promote themselves like all other successful products and services – with excitement and sizzle to complement the value and substance.   

Also, anticipating that a unique door of opportunity was opening for me, I began interviewing HR managers, recruiters, and hiring managers asking them what they liked and disliked about résumés.  And I realized the door of opportunity was wide open, because most of what I was told by these hiring professionals, was the opposite of what the books and most career counselors were advocating at the time. 

Over a short six-month period of time in 1988, I had written 16 résumés for clients, and without exception, every client landed a job quickly and confidently.  Their successes ended up leading to my new profession.  To my 30+ year career!

           After reading everything I could get my hands on about résumés, which wasn’t much, I created an instructional résumé product I planned to sell to secretarial services, so they could re-sell it to their customers:  The name was 30 Minutes to a Perfect Résumé.  I made 100 copies. 

Now all I needed to do was find a way to get them in the hands of secretarial services.  I did my research and found an association for secretarial services – NASS (National Association of Secretarial Services), with 1,600 members.  And to my complete surprise, the association was located in Florida.  I was living in Boca Raton and NASS was headquartered in St. Petersburg, a three and a half hour drive.  I called the association and reached the executive director, a guy by the name of Frank Fox.

“I have this new résumé product that I’d like to sell to your members.  It’s a résumé preparation kit  for job seekers, with worksheets in order to create a new type of résumé – a more exciting and engaging document. 

“Your members can make money two ways – first, when they sell the kit and, then again, when customers return with the completed handwritten forms to be typed up on a computer and printed out professionally.  And you get to sell it wholesale – so you make money for the association.  A win-win-win proposition.” 

Frank was interested.  He told me to mail it to him and he’d review it.  But I suggested we meet face-to-face where I could personally introduce the product over lunch.  He agreed. 

We met in the summer of 1988.  Little did we know at the time, what we were getting into.  Our lunch would soon lead to a 30+ year friendship, and a business collaboration that would launch a new industry.  It would not be an overstatement to say this lunch totally revolutionized both our lives – and the lives of many up-and-coming members and emerging industry leaders.

During our initial lunch meeting, I asked Frank if he would consider launching a professional résumé association.  I explained that I believed that the secretarial business would recede because computer and laser printer costs would soon become affordable to the public.  But I told Frank that I thought a résumé writing association had a long-term future if the focus was on professionalizing an industry – transitioning it from a secretarial service to a professional marketing service.  After all, job seekers needed to package, position, and promote themselves in competitive job markets as well as Geico.  He agreed! 

A few weeks following our initial lunch in St. Petersburg, Frank and I got back together and began planning this new association.  Frank decided to call it the Professional Association of Résumé Writers.  He developed the logo and coined the name “Spotlight” for the monthly newsletter.  And since the first newsletter went out via US Mail – we haven’t missed a month in31+ years.

We spent most of 1989 planning PARW, and in January of 1990, the Professional Association of Résumé Writers was officially launched.  Over 60 NASS members joined for the introductory annual fee of $60.  We quickly realized we were not professionalizing an industry - we were actually starting a new one.

The excitement back then was contagious.  In 1990, the first CPRW certification was launched and then improved again in 1992 – led by Wendy Enelow.  By the end of 1990, the first year, PARW had over 125 members.  We scheduled the first annual PARW conference for 1991 on St. Petersburg Beach.  Over 65 people attended that first conference.  The industry was exploding quickly.  You could feel the excitement, the passion, the energy.  Those first 10 years were growth years for PARW, and the new, expanding industry.

During those first 10 years, PARW members began to dominate the résumé and career space in bookstores.  My first McGraw-Hill book (1996), 101 Best Résumés, featured 60 résumés created by 26 PARW members who showcased their works and got exposure.  My next four résumé books featured over 300 résumés written by 53 members.  And many went on to become best-selling authors themselves – Wendy Enelow, Louise Kursmark, Jan Melnick, Susan Whitcombe, Walter Schuette – just to name a few. 

In 1998, the second PARW certification was released – the Certified Employment Interview Professional (CEIP).  Also about that time, we implemented “phase 2” of PARW’s evolution – adding CC to PARW.  Career Coaching.  PARW became PARWCC, and by 2010, we reached 1,000 members.

My good friend and colleague, Diane Hudson, launched the Certified Professional Career Coach program (CPCC) in 2005, and this made up the trio of certifications under the Frank Fox administration.  Between 2010 and 2019, PARWCC remained primarily on autopilot… not many new programs.  But membership continued to grow. Heading toward 2,000.

Just a few months after PARWCC’s 2019 conference in Clearwater Beach, FL, PARWCC’s ownership changed for the first time since PARW’s inception.  Frank Fox transferred ownership to the present leadership team – Margaret and Doug Phares. 

In less than two years, Margaret and Doug have done nothing less than revitalize and revolutionize the association and, thus, the industry.   A new website, new training programs, new ways to communicate and collaborate with other members, new certifications, new conferences… a game changing period of time for our industry.

My challenge to all members

            I was fortunate.  I found an opportunity and someone else, Frank Fox, who shared my vision.  More importantly, he took action and made it happen.  Ideas are a dime a dozen.  But action taken on ideas is priceless.  Frank took action – and so did countless members who have contributed so much to PARWCC’s success - Don Orlando, John Suarez, Debbie O’Reilly, the late Jerry Bills, Barbara Adams – and I just offended hundreds of others who I don’t have the space to acknowledge.

But there are UNLIMITED opportunities now – and moving forward.  The oldies but goodies, like me, will soon ride into the sunset - staking out pastures where we will enjoy our final years.  Are you one of our future leaders?  Do you have a vision for the industry?  Are you giving thought to how technology, globalization, pandemics, and big companies eating up little ones are affecting the job market?   What about outsourcing? 

I say it every day – the status quo cannot be followed any longer.  It’s outdated, irrelevant, and even dangerous to our future.  Are you ready and willing to be part of the leadership team that introduces the new vision – a new status quo?  I hope so.  I know from personal experience, that we are all limited only by the limitations we place on ourselves.

So, I wonder.  What will you be writing about 30 years from now about your profession, industry, and association?

Advice From 2 Well-Respected Hiring Pros

On Interviewing and Résumés

It had little to do with intelligence

My success in the résumé and career coaching profession is not a result of having a high IQ.  In fact, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be impressed with my score, whatever it is. And truthfully, if asked, I’d refuse to take an IQ test because, in my case, ignorance is probably bliss.

But I do pride myself on my intuitive nature and, for the most part, common sense.  And I used these two attributes to my advantage some 30 years ago - and still do to this day.  I began meeting with hiring professionals – recruiters, HR specialists, staffing professionals, and hiring managers from small to mega-sized businesses – and interviewed them.  I inquired about the processes and mindsets they employed when recruiting new hires. 

Over time, I found (and am still discovering) common threads among them – qualities that turned them on, and qualities that turned them off.  And I became somewhat of an industry outlier because most of the feedback I received from hiring professionals, was at odds with what most books, articles and career advisors were (and are) disseminating. 

My success is a result of being an intuitive outlier, that resulted in extraordinary success for my clients, as well as a dozen bestselling McGraw-Hill books.  I don’t tell you this to impress you.  I tell you this to impress upon you that it does not require a rocket science IQ to achieve unrestrained success.  But it does require an intuitive nature and a willingness to act on it.

Recently, I came across two articles from well-respected industry icons – and I intuitively felt  that this month’s article should include their relevant voices.  Enjoy.

Google VP says she always listens for these 6 things during the job interview:

‘They’re not often easy to spot’

By Bonita C. Stewart, Vice President of Global Partnerships at Google

I’ve picked up quite a bit on what to look for in a job candidate in my three decades at the helm of major businesses — and specifically, in my nearly 15 years at Google, where I’m currently vice president of global partnerships.

When it comes to hiring the right people, Google sets high standards and requirements across role-related knowledge, leadership expectations and diversified perspectives. I also apply the foundation of my value system, which came from my father, called the four Cs: Concentration, culture, courage, and character.

Of course, they aren’t often easy to spot — or, for an applicant, to display. So here are six important things I always listen for during job interviews:

1. Talk about transferable skills, experience

Depending on what position you’re applying for, you must have some sort of relevant experience. But expertise can be garnered in a number of ways, not purely academic.

Perhaps someone without a master’s degree has gained tremendous experience through interesting personal projects or hobbies, like a side hustle they started outside of work.

For example, if you’re interviewing for an entry-level marketing position, it’s okay to not have 10 marketing internships under your belt. Perhaps you organized a community service event in your hometown. Tell me about the creative strategies you used to get people to pay attention, care and participate.

2. Ask questions—lots of them

This shows natural curiosity, which is a valuable asset in just about every workplace. But move beyond questions you can easily find answers to on your own (e.g., through a Google search).

Instead, focus on coupling a fact with an open-ended question to draw out a personal perspective on a strategic topic. Consider doing this in essential areas such as strategy, product, and industry positioning, nurturing high performing teams and inclusive leadership.

For example, “Your team is already performing well in [X], but what about enlisting someone to do [Y], which I believe could help improve [Z]?”

Two other questions that I wish more candidates would ask during job interviews:

What does your team need that isn’t being done now?

How can I contribute in ways that go beyond the job listing responsibilities?

3. List accomplishments, but don’t make it all about yourself

I admire and respect people who embrace a “we” mindset, because people don’t achieve big successes on their own.  I want to hire people who uplift, not undermine, team spirit.

I want to learn about your accomplishments, but it’s always a bonus when a candidate acknowledges the help and guidance they received along the way, no matter how small or big.

If you only talk about the successes you claim to have done on your own, it tells me you’re not a team player, and that you don’t pull together with others or share credit. I want to hire people who uplift, not undermine, team spirit.

4. Take ownership of your mistakes

Messing up and having the courage to talk about it is a quality I always take note of — in a good way.

We all make mistakes. Tell me about a project that didn’t go as planned. What was your thought process? How did things pivot? What did you learn? What would you do differently if it happened again?

Problems are going to come up, no matter how smart and capable you are at your job, and I want to understand how you’ll respond when they do.

The way you tell the story is just as important. Don’t trail off or go off tangent (something that people tend to do when talking about their oversights). Have a story planned and make sure the details are concise and easy to follow.

5. Personal agility

The rapid acceleration of technology has created a work culture where business transformation is the norm. Make sure you study the company and identify what unique perspectives you can bring.

For example, I look for candidates who are eager to be helpful to our clients, so that when an industry evolves, such as news and media, we have the right talent to come up with creative strategies to meet the needs of our partners.

This is also about thinking fast, leading with innovation, and readily accepting new ideas that come from everyone and everywhere.

6. Show that you work well with others

Finally, collaboration is key. Building a team is about more than a single hire. It’s about how skills and strengths complement each other. I’ve embraced the notion of hiring in multiples, as it helps us avoid tokenism and makes sure no one person is the “only” of anything in a workplace.

Define the quantifiable benefits you bring. Self-awareness is a big one. Team members, particularly leaders, can transmit their feelings, whether positive or negative, to others. And if you’re self-aware, you’re more likely to spread encouragement and positive energy.

________________________________________________________________________________

6 things I loved about the most impressive resume I’ve ever seen

—based on 20 years of hiring

 By Gary Burnison, CEO of Korn Ferry

I’ve received thousands of resumes throughout my entire career — and believe me, I’ve seen them all: Too long, too short, too boring, too many typos, too hard to read and every layout imaginable.

To be completely honest, I’ve never been a huge fan of resumes. Heck, I even wrote a book about all the things that are more important than the resume. Yes, you do need one, but what most experts don’t tell you is that resumes only account for 10% of the hiring decision.

That said, it would take a lot to wow a tough critic like myself. A few years ago, however, I was surprised to find a resume that actually managed to impress me.

In fact, it was one of the best resumes I had ever seen in my 20 years of hiring and interviewing. It had no gimmicks; no Fortune 500 company listed and wasn’t folded into an origami airplane. Needless to say, I hired the candidate.

Here’s what made it stand out from the rest:

1. It was easy to read

This resume had plenty of white space and was two pages long, which is expected if you have more than 10 years of experience.

Everything was nicely organized: Line spacing was just right, company names in bold, titles italicized and job details arranged in bullet points. Oh, and not a single typo to be found.

I liked that the font was nothing fancy. Too many candidates waste time obsessing over which font to use. I won’t weigh in on Times New Roman versus Calibri, but I will say that it should always be simple and easy to read.

2. It told a story

This resume told a story about the candidate’s career journey. There were no information gaps (i.e., a missing summer). From top to bottom, there was a clear “before and after.” In just a few seconds, I was able to see a “staircase pattern” of the candidate’s career growth.

In other words, the chronological list of work history — in order of date, with the most recent position at the top — showed a clear progression of more senior roles and more advanced responsibilities.

3. It listed accomplishments, rather than just responsibilities

I’m not interested in reading what you copied and pasted from the original job description listing. What employers really want to know is whether you’re an above average candidate who’s capable of delivering quantifiable results — and this person did a great job of proving that they were.

It’s always better to highlight your responsibilities by detailing your most impressive accomplishments:

Examples:

Instead of “expanded operations to international markets,” say “expanded operations to eight new countries in Latin America.”

Instead of “led marketing and sales team,” say “supervised marketing and sales team and achieved 15% annual growth vs. 0.5% budget.”

4. It told the truth

There weren’t any discrepancies that raised red flags. Everything was believable and the numbers weren’t exaggerated.

Even better, the resume had links to the person’s LinkedIn page and professional website, which included a portfolio of their work. This made it easier for me to fact-check the resume, which in turn made the candidate seem like an honest person.

My advice? Tell the truth — period. A colleague once told me about someone who listed “convicted felon” on her resume. The candidate submitted her resume, then called the hiring manager and asked, “Would you hire an ex-convict?” After a series of questions and some due diligence, they offered her the job. And based on what I’ve heard, she ended up being an excellent hire.

While big accomplishments and recognizable company names will give you an advantage, make no mistake: Employers will do a reference check — and if they find out that you lied about something, it’s game over.

5. It didn’t have any cliché claims

There were no generic and high-level claims such as “creative,” “hard-working,” “results-driven,” “excellent communicator” or, my least favorite, “team player.”

Including any of these cliché terms will make your hiring manager roll their eyes in less than a second. Skip the cheesy adjectives and overused terms and go for action verbs instead.

Examples:

Instead of “excellent communicator,” say “presented at face-to-face client meetings and spoke at college recruiting events.”

Instead of “highly creative,” say “designed and implemented new global application monitoring platform.”

6. It came through a recommendation

Not everyone will have a connection at their dream company, but knowing someone who can refer you is the most effective way to get an employer’s attention.

The fact that this resume came through a recommendation from a respected colleague played a significant role in getting me to open the PDF file. That, in addition to the few seconds I spent skimming it, was the one-two punch that made me want to know more about the candidate.

Blasting your resume everywhere won’t get you anywhere. I get sent dozens of resumes on the daily from people I don’t know, and the vast majority of them go unopened.

That might seem harsh, but here’s the truth: You should always go out of your way to get a warm introduction. If you don’t have a connection, do some research, and find a friend of a friend who knows someone who has an “in.”

The Strangest Miracle

Amanda’s Story

Sometimes, good things unexpectedly occur in life that we just can’t explain. We call these events mysteries of the mind, or miracles. And with this introduction, perhaps you can explain… the strangest miracle. 

“I’m not on drugs, nor am I delusional,” Amanda said; her dark brown eyes piercing mine. 

I responded by smiling and simply saying, “You seem quite normal to me.”

Amanda retained me as her executive career coach. I had been working with her for a few weeks and found her to be highly intelligent, hard-working, and fully committed to her job campaign – to securing a better job.  She was a well-respected IT professional, a loving mother of two children, happily married to her college sweetheart, and was actively involved with numerous community charities and organizations. Amanda had a strong personality and seemed well in control of her emotions, so I found her comment somewhat out of character.

She called because she needed to schedule a session with me, but wouldn’t explain the urgency.  Amanda was making good progress in pursuing a new job after her employer, Graham & Cromwell Medical Billing, was forced to terminate her after they merged with a national firm.  But just last week, Amanda experienced a major setback.  The one job she wanted most of all, fell through.  She was one of two finalists for an executive IT position for a Fortune 100 company, and was informed she finished a strong second. Not good.  So I assumed her session with me had to do with this disappointment.

Amanda, in her late thirties always dressed professionally and carried herself with confidence.  Today was no different.  However, today she seemed distracted; almost distant.  As she ran her hands through her long black hair, she turned her head and stared out the window to her left – in silence. I wasn’t sure where the conversation was heading.  Or when it would actually start.  I just sat patiently, and waited.

After a moment of silence, Amanda began. “My mother and I have always been close; in fact, she’s always been my best friend.  No matter what I faced in life, no matter how old I was, and no matter what she was going through herself, my mom was always there for me and always had the right answers at the right time for any situation. So last Wednesday, I was sitting by myself at Chelsea’s Restaurant having a cup of coffee, pondering my future while worrying about the present. This was just a few hours after I was told I lost out on the job I really wanted. I casually looked up from my newly created things-still-to-do list, and to my utter surprise, I saw my mother enter the restaurant.  The next thing I knew, she was sitting across from me.  I was speechless.”

While Amanda was telling her story, she was staring out of my office window.  Or so it seemed.  And now she was silent again. I uncomfortably broke the silence, and asked, “Did your mother know about your interview?”

Amanda seemed not to hear my question.  She just continued on with her narrative.  In a trance-like state she said, “When I saw my mom, I wiped my eyes and could hardly speak. I barely whispered, ‘Mom, how can…’

“Honey,” Amanda’s mom interrupted. “Listen to me. Remember back when you played soccer as a child and, just before the championship game you sprained  your ankle in practice?  You were devastated.  But you came home and were determined to do whatever it took to play in the championship game.  And not only did you play, but you also scored the winning goal.” 

Amanda turned to me and said, “You know, Jay - I did win that game.  And my ankle was broken when they x-rayed it after the game.  Can you believe it?  I played with a broken ankle!”  Her eyes returned to the window and she continued speaking; as if in a stupor.  “My mother then reminded me of my first love in high school, Dustin Winters, who ended up breaking my heart.  My mother then explained to me that life is like a symphony; that there are both high happy notes – as well as the low, sad notes.  And this is what makes a symphony.  ‘You don’t walk out of the symphony when you hear the low, sad notes,’ my mother said.  ‘Or the angry clash of the symbols. You take them in.  You embrace it all.

“‘Likewise, you don’t walk out on the low, sad, and angry events or situations in life either… like a symphony, you embrace them.  That’s what makes up life… the good and the bad; the highs and the lows.  The ups and the downs.’ You see, Jay, my mother was always very wise.  She always had a special way of communicating with me so I would understand.  She had a gift of explaining life that always helped me live it better – to help me through the tough times.”

I interjected, “So I assume your mother had some words of wisdom and support to help you overcome the disappointment of last week?”

“Yes, and quite unexpectedly,” Amanda answered, now directing her gaze directly at me; or should I say through me.  “As my mother sat across from me in that restaurant, I kept asking myself how could she be here at this moment, feel my pain, and have the right words to comfort and encourage me?  I mean, I just got the bad news a couple hours ago.

“As I began to ask her how this could be happening, my mother interrupted again.  In her affectionate and comforting way she said, ‘Everything will be fine, sweetheart.  There isn’t anything you can’t do or overcome.  Think back at when you were diagnosed with Crohns Disease at age 28.  Through diet and nutrition - and a burning desire to heal, you have fully controlled this health issue. Now you just need to muster the same strength, belief in yourself, resourcefulness, and conviction to secure a new job.  If you focus your energy and thoughts on what you have and what you have overcome throughout the years, you’ll use this positive energy to land an even better job that you just interviewed for.  Remember, energy attracts like energy. You are what you think and you attract your thoughts. Think good thoughts and you’ll attract all that you deserve.’

“Mom reached across the table and took my hand,” Amanda continued.  When her hand touched mine, I felt a warm sensation I’d never felt before.  I suddenly felt empowered and in control.  Mom smiled at me and said something she said hundreds of times throughout my life. ‘There’s nothing you can’t accomplish if you set your mind to it.  You have everything it takes to succeed.  Never quit; never give up; and never settle for less than you can be.’  I then looked deep into my mother’s eyes and saw the confidence she had in me.  At that moment, I knew I would be fine; that I would land a job in a matter of days, not weeks.” Amanda reiterated her timeline with conviction. “Days, Jay, not weeks!”

Amanda gazed up at the ceiling, at nothing in particular, and then said to me. “That afternoon, when our discussion was seemingly winding down, my mom smiled; her love for me ever-present, and she said, ‘Take control.  Don’t leave a day without planting good seeds; for when you plant well, you’ll reap all the rewards you want and deserve.’  My mother then, quite unexpectedly, rose from her seat, blew me a kiss, and left.  Suddenly, the waitress disrupted the moment and handed me the check.  I took it, and after a few moments of watching my mom disappear, looked at the check.  All that was on the check were the words…YOU ARE WORTHY.  Amanda then fumbled through her pocketbook and pulled out the check she saved, and handed it to me.  I read it. YOU ARE WORTHY.

Amanda said, “Somehow, and don’t ask me how, when I saw my mother’s words, Janet Clayton’s name came to my consciousness. Janet, as you know, is the executive recruiter I’ve been working with.  So I called Janet just to check in with her.  Can you believe it – she told me she was just about to call me!  She had a senior IT position to fill with Whirlwind Media – and that I was the perfect candidate for the position. Long story short, after 4 days of interviewing with Whirlwind Media this week, I was offered a job yesterday.  And I accepted the position this morning. It’s truly the perfect job for me and I start next week! 

Amanda then thanked me for the support I had provided. As she rose from her seat, there were tears in her eyes; I assumed tears of joy.  I asked, “I’m sure you shared the good news with you mom.  What did she say?” 

Amanda lowered her head, picked up her pocketbook, and wiped a tear or two from her eyes.  As she turned to leave my office she said, “My mother passed away three years ago.”

“Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.”

If we were to be honest with ourselves, we would acknowledge that while most people spend their time struggling to earn a living – a much smaller number seem to have everything going their way, even in the midst of chaos and uncertainty.   Rather than simply working to make a living, this smaller group is busily working at building and enjoying abundance.  In the workplace and throughout life.

Keep in mind that abundance, in no way, pertains exclusively to finances.  This smaller group seeks out and possesses an abundance of love, health, friendships, and dreams.  For those in the larger segment of society, they tend to believe that everything is just destined to work out for this smaller, more fortunate group.  You know, the lucky few.  The larger group can only wonder how life can be so unfair.  Contrary to reality, they feel permanently stuck and out of luck.

Admittedly, I used to be a member of the larger group until 1992 when I turned 39 years old.  It was at this time that I began searching for the secret formula that differentiated the two diverse groups because I was underachieving at the halfway point of my life.  I was  financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually behind on my big-mouth promises to myself and my family.  And I knew it!  So I made the conscious decision to leave the larger group and join the smaller one - even though I had no idea how.

The Power Most People Relinquish

Despite all of the factors that affect our lives, including our families, the schools we attended, the communities we were raised in, the friends we had, the amount of income our parents earned, or the handicaps and challenges we encountered along the way – nothing in this world has as much potential power for affecting our lives as our ability to dream – nothing!   When an idea is exciting, passionate, and captivates our attention around the clock, life-changing breakthroughs are inevitable.

Dreams are a projection of the kind of life we want to lead – and

the future we want to create for ourselves and our families.

When we have compelling desires/goals that we are committed to, this encourages us to meet expected obstacles and adversities head on – and with an abundance of confidence and resolve.  Dreams (or passionate goals) are the pull of the future; an awesome force that inspires us to employ discipline and self-responsibility in pursuit of all that awaits us in the future.  You see, when we allow our dreams to pull us forward, they unleash a creative and resourceful energy that will overpower any obstacle or adversity in our path.  It creates abundance.

To Unleash This Power, Dreams Must Be Well Defined

Fuzzy ambitions have limited pulling power, whereas well-defined, laser sharp dreams have remarkable pulling power.  To achieve a burning desire and to help clients/students achieve theirs, our pursuits and expectations must be rich, exciting, and vivid.  Like a child excited about going on a vacation.

Success is achieved when our desires are stronger

than the adversities we’ll face in the pursuit of them.

You’ve Got to Be a Good Dreamer in 2021

As we approach the end of a difficult 2020 marked by a global pandemic, political discord, social unrest and protests, economic uncertainty, and high unemployment… what are your dreams for 2021?   And if you believe the idea of identifying and pursuing dreams is some kind of New Age fad, perhaps just ask yourself this question:  A year from now when December 2021 rolls around, how will I know that 2021 was one of the finest years of my life?   If you don’t know what you want – you’ll have to settle for what you get.  This is NOT a New Age concept. 

We must envision a post-COVID-19 world today before the vaccine arrives.  Job seekers must vividly and confidently envision themselves in a great new job before the résumé is even created.  In other words, we have to see and feel abundance today in pursuit of achieving abundance in the future.  This is the incredible force I call the pull of the future – the ultimate motivator.  It’s also called the Law of Attraction.  Whatever the mind (and the heart) can conceive and believe – you (and your clients/students) can achieve.

What We Focus On – We Attract

The Wright Brothers did not focus on what was – they focused on what was possible. Walt Disney did not focus on what was – he focused on what was possible.  Steve Jobs did not focus on what was – he focused on what was possible.  When I set out to write and publish my first book back in the mid 1990’s, I did not focus on what was (unpublished with people telling me I had a better chance of winning the lottery than getting published).  I focused on what was possible – my dream.

Everyone and anyone who has ever achieved success – abundance – has experienced significant setbacks, rejections, failures, and obstacles.  To achieve your dreams and to realize abundance, and to help your clients/students do the same, you have to be willing to put yourself through the paces of doing what is uncomfortable until it becomes comfortable.  This is how you achieve your dreams – how you realize true potential. Like when you learned to walk, ride a bicycle without training wheels, learned the alphabet, and memorized your addition and subtraction tables. 

It is impossible to grow without discomfort,

so best we treat discomfort as an ally not an enemy.

Dreaming is NOT a New Age Concept

Scientists discovered a COVID-19 vaccine because they first dreamed of it, the same way scientists once dreamed of cures for polio, smallpox, and measles.  Researchers are dreaming of cures for cancer, Parkinson’s Disease, and a host of other life-threatening and debilitating illnesses.  Developing self-driving cars is a dream.  For many, cleaning up the planet is a dream.  Finding a soulmate, building wealth, and establishing good health are dreams for many.  Building a business, finding a great job, nailing a promotion, or any endeavor that enriches our lives are dreams – pursuits to improve the quality of life. 

A 2021 Reset

As we approach the final weeks of 2020, what are you thinking about - how difficult 2020 was, or how you can make 2021 the best year ever?  Remember, expectations equal achievement.  If we set the bar low, we achieve very little.  If we set the bar high, there is no limit to what we can achieve… abundance.  Abundance of self-pride, ambition, love, friendships, health, contribution, wealth, and legacy. 

So let me share with you four key principles that I have been teaching my audiences that helped them achieve so many of their dreams and ambitions.  These principles will help you dream big and, most importantly, to “believe” in those dreams.  It’s been my experience that a goal unsupported by a strong belief in that goal, is wasted.  So why not expect big things for you, your family, and your clients/students for 2021… so abundance will thrill you throughout the year.

1. Allow yourself to dream big without trying to figure out how you’ll achieve your dreams.Most people don’t allow themselves to dream big for fear of never achieving them.Don’t fear falling short of achieving your dreams. Rather, fear leaving this life without giving your dreams a fighting chance to be realized.Remember – where there’s a will (dream) there’s a way.

    

2. Allow your dreams to breathe.In other words, let your dreams breathe within you. Visualize your dreams daily, as this is the authentic breath of success.See it today, in your mind’s eye, so you can achieve it in the future.The only way you can build a house is to see it finished before you start to build it.That’s where blueprints come from – envisioning the house in your mind’s eye.It’s difficult to create what you can’t see.
3. Create a dream team.Share your dreams. Sharing your dreams begins the process of making them more real. Identify and hang out with people that will support you and your ambitions. Supportive people are good listeners, non-judgmental, optimistic, are able to partner with or mentor you; and are big dreamers themselves. They are possibilitarians.

    

   On the other hand, don’t share your dreams with negative people who are not supportive of your ambitions.  Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Oprah Winfrey, and many great dreamers started out poor, illiterate, or with severe handicaps.  Their dreams came true because of their strong fortitude to achieve them – and a dream team they assembled that provided key support.

    

4. Expect adversity and meet it head on.All dreams and success assume you will meet adversity, setbacks, and significant obstacles.It’s inevitable and part of the process.You didn’t walk the first time you tried – and you won’t achieve your dreams the first time you try.Know you will fall – sometimes over and over again.But that is why you walk today – and this is how you’ll realize your dreams tomorrow, because falling is inevitable.Embrace the fall.Then get up and try again.It’s called muscle building. So, as you plan for 2021, forget New Year’s resolutions. Instead, identify just 2 or 3 “dreams” you want to achieve in 2021, commit to them, and then fire up your success engines and make them come true.

Happy Holidays!